The Toes That Show

Here is something I wrote last year...but it's one of my favorites. Read on and see if it becomes one of your favorites too!

So what happens when you want to wear open toe shoes and you haven't had time to properly paint your toenails and get your feet in show worthy condition?

Easy.

You just paint The Toes That Show.

By doing this, you're taking care of making sure that the toes people can see are all pretty and perfect.

But what about the other toes? The ones that people don't see? What about The Toes That Hide?

No, I've not totally snapped the remaining thin thread of my sanity. Let me explain.

One of my co-workers has a bottle of nail polish on her desk and will routinely only paint the toes that show in her open toe shoes rather than taking the time to do all of them. This got me thinking. It seemed to me that painting just "The Toes That Show" is a bit of a metaphor for the persona that we present to the outside world, versus who we really feel that we are on the inside (The Toes That Hide).

The Toes That Show is (are) the face(s) that we put on for others...the face we wear to work, the face our friends see...the face our good friends see...the face our family sees. But what happens to The Toes That Hide? What happens to the face(s) that we hide inside ourselves, that we don't let anyone see? The ones that aren't so pretty and perfect?

Generally, I consider myself to be a "what you see is what you get" kinda gal. But when I truly sat and thought about The Toes That Show, it made me wonder. There are things about myself that, not only do I not advertise, but that I deliberately stuff down with as much force as possible and bury them as deep as I can. I think we all have things like that...things that we would be horrified to admit to feeling or thinking.

So this begs the question of why. Why do I hide these Toes? Why are there things about myself that I am too ashamed of or afraid of to let be seen? Are these things about me so very horrible that everyone I know and love would head for the hills, running away screaming? Would they make little children cower in fear? Would these things cause me to lose everything that I have ever worked for in my life and reduce me to a pile of ashes?

Most likely not.

Would showing off The Toes That Hide offend someone? Absolutely. Would showing off The Toes That Hide cause me to lose some of the people in my life? Most probably. Would showing off The Toes That Hide make me feel good about myself? That one is harder to answer.

In one way, yes, showing off The Toes That Hide...allowing THAT face to see daylight, would make me feel incredibly good about myself. It would be liberating, a sense of freedom, a kind of honesty that would have no equal. But it's the part of me that is ashamed and afraid to show off those Toes that bothers me.

If I was living my life in such a way that I was being completely true to myself, it should not bother me to show off The Toes That Hide when circumstances were appropriate. Would I show them to everybody? NO! I'm a bit of a strange one at times, but I'm not totally without tact and decorum. But as I've thought more and more about The Toes That Show and the ones that I allow to be seen, the more I'm realizing that The Toes That Hide are just as important.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Life is about balance. We need it all: love and hate, light and dark, tears and laughter. All of these things together define who we are. Love cannot exist without hate. Light cannot exist without dark. The Toes That Show cannot exist without The Toes That Hide. All of those things that I have refused to acknowledge about myself are just as much a part of me as the things that I am proud to display.

So another question. Is there anything to be gained by allowing these Toes to continue to Hide? Or should they have their turn in the light?

This is the task that is before me.

I alone know what The Toes That Hide look like. I alone have to live with them. In truth, it shouldn't matter what other people think of them...they are still MY Toes, they are still ME. Those that are truly my friends, those that truly love me, will accept my Toes That Hide just as easily and with hearts just as open as is done for The Toes That Show. And anyone that does run away screaming...or that slinks away quietly hoping I won't notice they are gone...anyone that does leave my life...perhaps they just weren't meant to be there in the first place.

Unconditional love is just that: unconditional. It's not pretty, it's not perfect. It's not just there in the good times and for the laughter...unconditional love is there through it all. Unconditional love will hold your hair back for you the morning after the night before, unconditional love will be okay with holding you as you drip snot and tears every where, unconditional love will carry you when you are too weak to stand on your own.

And, of course, me being me, that brings up another question. Do I have that kind of love for myself? Or do I just love The Toes That Show? And if I favor The Toes That Show, do I have the right to ask others to accept my Toes That Hide when I am unwilling to do so myself?

The answer to that is obvious.

Right now, as I write, ALL of my toes are painted. They are painted red..."The Keys To My Karma"....I love the OPI themed polish colors...and I love my Toes.

All of them.